- At my husband's aunt’s, where we heard our first siren. We decided to stay the night rather than drive home in the dark. The uncle kept flipping the TV between the news and the World Cup.
- Five days later. Running with my daughter in my arms to the safe room at the home of friends. With grandparents, kids, and neighbor's children, too, we were 14 in a small bedroom. My daughters are too young to understand, but the voice of the house looked out the window and expertly discussed whether iron Dome would intercept the rocket. We didn't hear a boom.
- Reading jokes online about the booms. Who heard a boom? Was that boom just my pregnant friend sitting down? Is it too early to turn anti-missile explosions fart jokes? Apparently not.
- At the playground with our daughters screeching happily on the swings. They are blissfully unaware of what’s going on and are just concerned about their next serving of Bamba. I go back and forth between enjoying the moment and thinking about what I would do—where I could take them for protection—if we heard a siren.
- Talking to my dear cousin whose step-son was just called up to the reserves. He spoke passionately about how even if there is a loss of Israeli soldiers, destroying the tunnels is necessary to prevent future huge attacks, killing many civilians. This is necessary to protect lives. Also on the line, the young soldier's mother doesn't sound as sure.
- Reading two mornings later about an attempted attack on a kibbutz by 13 infiltrators who came through just such a tunnel. My cousin is proved right. It’s still not clear why they didn’t attack when they had the chance—they may have been waiting for the chance to attack soldiers. Two Israeli soldiers dead in the resulting battle.
- Sitting in a café in Jerusalem, drinking an iced coffee, and able to briefly imagine that all is ok in the world.
- Coming back to my phone after being away for 20 minutes and being informed by my red alert application that there have been five sirens in various places in the South.
- Hearing very religious language from not very religious people. Hearing very violent language from people who consider themselves religious.
- Reading how the Israeli army warns Palestinians to leave their homes for their own safety. But so many of them have nowhere to go. Hundreds of Palestinian deaths.
- Hearing from our daycare teacher that her brother-in-law was called up. They're not telling her mother-in-law yet, so that she won't worry.
So far these moments don't add up to a total feeling. Just living in the tension.
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